Simply Sandwiches

Pauls Palace (131 2nd Ave, NY, NY) is one of those places near St.Marks that has so much flair on the outside you always walk past thinking “Dear god, what self-respecting burger joint would put a huge fake burger on the sidewalk?” And then one Sunday you wake up starving and think “I’d kill a tourist for some food. Where can I get a really massive burger?” And out of nowhere, you picture that huge fake burger you’ve passed so many times, only this time it’s not revolting, it’s talking, it’s purring “EAT ME, EAT MEEE!” Marketing wins, you give in to the ride and decide to play Alice in Wonderland.

Paul’s Palace is a cheap burger joint, with shtick, attitude and lots of encouraging signs on the walls that say things like “I HOPE YOU ARE HUNGRY.” These “aggro eating” places can be fun, but only if the food is delicious, otherwise it just comes off as dirty and cheap. Paul’s claim to fame is 1/2lb beef burgers, starting at just $4.05. I loaded mine up with pepper jack cheese and bacon (~$8.50). While the idea was great, the burger fell apart in my hands. The tiny mass-produced bun soaked in the burger grease and immediately liquefied. The patty itself was massive. Unfortunately, it had horrible consistency and tasted really mushy, easily falling to pieces. (Mushy patties make me wonder what happened to make it so mushy? Are they soaking them in water/oil to add weight?) When it fell apart it looked really revolting, all that mushy ground chuck covered stuck to pieces of iceberg.
Lessons:
Restaurants: Don’t let the eater ever see the inside of any ground meats, they are meant for private viewing only.
Eaters: Look away!

In the end, I stuck to my journalistic instincts and finished the beer and fries. I thought it would make me sick. Thank god it didn’t. Instead I felt like taking a nap for the next 4 hours. Not always a bad feeling. Go only if you’re ready to binge/nap and maybe throw up in your head when the massive soggy burger falls to pieces in your hands.

An aside: Our waitress was insane. Literally. At one point she stood on a table and did a little song and dance. There were only 3 seated tables, who dances for such a small audience and no tips?

Separate it doesn’t look that big:

Snakes can unhinge their jaw to swallow huge prey whole: