I’ve never been interested in space flight. I’ve seen enough sci-fi movies to know that humans humans will always get slaughtered by aliens, exploded into nothing ordriven mad by mysterious space-bound evil from another dimension. It’s hard for me to admit, but I’d be willing to brave those horrors for a vacation trip to a sandwich planet — just not this Sandwich Planet (522 9th Ave, at 39th st.). Please not this sandwich planet. (Not to be confused with the amazing Chicken Planet)
This sandwich planet isn’t quite what I’d been dreaming of. Instead it seems more like a sandwich factory or a sandwich emporium. Now, I’ve never even been to this sandwich planet, but I have a pretty good idea how it works. When you order online, you pick what you want in your ‘wich from a dizzying list of meats, veggies, breads and sauces. The order shoots out of a printer and the line-cooks assemble from the dizzying buckets of prepped ingredients. It gets wrapped and biked over to your office, where you chow down. Sandwich efficiency, I say!
The sandwiches were okay. I’m always perplexed and confused by these DIY-schemes: if they’re running a sandwich planet, don’t they know what ingredients go well together? Customers ain’t chefs. I tried to make a spin on the classic russian roast beef: roast beef on rye with mustard, lettuce, russian dressing, slaw and jalapeno slices. I ordered it with onions, but they must’ve be blasted into space by a vengeful AI. All these ingredients for $8.75, which seems like a deal.
Clearly, I ordered too many items; I got greedy. When each item is just a line on the screen it’s so easy to order too much. Veggies were decent, the roast beef was way too stringy. After each bite I had to pull it out of my mouth with my hands because I couldn’t bite through. Yuck. I’m glad there were no mirrors or I might’ve stopped eating. The sandwich wasn’t bad, just boring and unexceptional. I’m not sure if that’s my fault or theirs, but I’m not itching to return.
Plotted based on my sandwich, though strategy and cost can vary as you make a more and more complicated sandwich: