First stop: Campos Deli (214 Market Street, Philadelphia, PA), the official cheesesteak of local sports teams. Campos has a family-friendly feeling, it’s got the cozy-chain vibe: branded t-shirts behind the counter, tchotchke on the walls and a few cafe tables. I tried the cheesesteak hoagie (steak, cheese, onions, lettuce and tomato for $9.25) and the chicken heater (Chicken, Jalapeno cheddar and hot sauce $7.75). The cheese steak hoagie was by far the better. It had the meaty savory appeal I was looking for with some vegetable to keep it varied. The heater was decently spicy, but was pretty one-dimensional after the steak: spicy chicken, bite after bite. Something about the whole experience left me feeling a little duped. After I ordered I was asked if I wanted a side of cole slaw or pasta salad. Where’s the focus? Where’s the grit? It felt a little like a reproduction, as if I was in vegas at the “cheesesteak experience”.

Nearly bursting and with my vision fogged from eating, I stumbled down a few doors to stop number 2, Sonny’s Famous Steaks (228 Market Street, Philadelphia, PA). Something about this place struck me as more authentic immediately: no bric-a-brac, just a few tables, a meat slicer and a flat-top grill. The menu didn’t have any salads or vegetarian options, just meat, cheese and onions, focused and simple. I ordered my whiz-wit and didn’t get any weird up-sell, just a delicious sandwich. To be honest, I was so full, I couldn’t sit there and eat another. I took it home and man was I mad. I’d fallen for a trap. Sonny’s cheesesteak was incredible and it was exactly what I’d wanted a cheesesteak to be. It was over-the-top creamy and savory. Every bite was a warm blanket, a pair of warm socks, heated car seats. There was no excess cheese, no dripping grease. This may be the best cheesesteak I’ve ever had. How could I have filled up on lettuce and tomatoes and spicy chicken. Spicy chicken! I was ashamed. Though I was beyond full, I relished every cozy bite.

It seems to me as if Campo’s sold some tasty cheesesteaks, but then got popular, started diversifying, securing sports endorsements and making pasta salad. I don’t want to hold their success against them, but I can’t shake the feeling the at the experience is a bit manufactured. I had another day in Philly, I would’ve returned to Campo’s to try their whiz-wit and see if they still had it. Until then, I’ll return to Sonny’s and get what I should’ve gotten all along.

Campos is slightly higher on complexity of the Hoagie (lettuce, tomatoes)

Sonnys kept it simple

Sonny’s Wiz Wit

Chicken Heater

Cheesesteak Hoagie

Cheesteake Hoagie up close. Yum

Let’s talk about Cuban sandwiches. They have two kinds of pig, cheese and pickles. They are universally delicious. They are warm and cool and refreshing, pretty much good any time of year, any time of day. These were my thoughts, so I ordered one “Cuban Mojo” ($8.50). Then my thoughts were, ‘My god, why is this bag so heavy?’ This sandwich is absolutely huge. I could only make it through half and had to save the other half for dinner.

It was delicious. Juicy roasted pork, happily co-mingling with cool sliced ham. The bread was toasted perfectly and provided wonderful crispy resistance, without being too chewy. I could have done with slightly less sliced ham, but in the end, who can complain about slightly too much sliced ham? That’s like being annoyed that you have too many one dollar bills, you just don’t have a valid complaint.

Luscious is delicious; I’ll be back to try the rest of the menu.

Not the most complicated sandwich, but they roast their own pork. That’s worth a strategy bump!

This thing is massive!

Nom nom nom, “Oh, I’ve been meaning to grab some jade bracelets, how handy!”

When I heard of this place, everyone says it’s “in the back of a jewelry shop” and I imagined I’d have to walk through rows and rows of a crowded jewelry store, past a pile of boxes, under the secret curtains and then give the password to be let in, as though I was meeting an arms dealer in a crowded bazaar. What is actually there is a lot more pedestrian (and sanitary). The fact of the matter is that the place is a sandwich shop that happens to have a small jewelry counter in the front. Most people are there for sandwiches and there’s zero confusion about how to find it, kind of disappointing.

The sandwich is delicious. I got the pork banh mi ($4.50) and was too full to have the usual second lunch. The sandwich is huge and cheap. I could barely finish the thing and was totally full. You can dissect the photos below, but it’s packin’ nuggets of roasted pork, cucumber spears, some weird processed pork product (stand in for pate?) and some julienned carrots and cucumbers. The bread it a bit chewy and rather filling, but not terrible. The whole thing tastes like alternating cool and crunchy, sweet and veggie. It’s pretty good, though by the end of the second half I was pretty much done with the sweet pork.

If you’re in the area and hungry, definitely worth a stop. I don’t know that I’d bother traveling across town for it though. On second thought, if the jewelry is this big for this cheap, maybe I should get some while I’m here…

The sandwich was wonderful. First of all, unlike their brethren across the pond, this sandwich was huge. Not American-obscene-huge, but European-huge. The focaccia was soft and fluffy and oil. The Mortadella was salty, wonderfully thinly sliced and *bountiful*. The mozzarella was actually flavorful and not the cold slug you often get. The tomatoes were pretty bland, oh well, three out of four ain’t too bad.

Simple enough to make, but wonderfully tasty ingredients

It’s a quarter loaf!

See, no short changing on the Mortadella

It is all rather unassuming, which is certainly part of the charm, you don’t expect the crunchy-on-the-outside-and-chewy-on-the-inside bread to be that good. You don’t expect the toppings to be that fresh, even though you just saw them added. It all comes together like a wonderful crescendo. Plus, it’s cheap!

I’m not going to bother going through each sandwich I’ve had there, they’ve all been fantastic.

Simple turkey with swiss

20. Capocollo, Prosciuttini, Pepper Jack Cheese* ($6.99)

Up close and personal

First up, the roasted turkey ($11). The ingredients are fairly traditional, turkey, lettuce, tomato, onions and some herb mayo. It was warm and fresh and incredibly moist. The roll was wonderful too, soft and fluffy without being chewy or too forgiving.

Second, the Italian, $10. This one is straight by the book too: chopped veggies, cold cuts (salami, cappicola, salami cotto) and cheese (mordatela and provolone), only instead of piling them all so high it turns into a salt-lick, Torrisi gives you just enough to taste without overpowering anything. It’s a dignified Italian hero, perfectly balanced.

Finally, the chicken parm, also $10. The same light sesame roll as on the other two, but topped with pan-fried, breaded chicken and melted mozzarella. Often when you get a chicken parm, the chicken is tough, rubbery and chewy. Yuck. Torrisi somehow managed to keep the chicken incredibly moist, tender and absolutely delightful. This one was the favorite of the group, though only because it’s got crispy chicken and melted cheese.

When in soho, Torrisi.

All three are stellar:

When the waiter mentioned it, I had to try it, despite the totally outrageous price of $21. I’ll complain about the price more later, but first, let’s talk about hamburgers. The most important ingredient of hamburgers is the meat, no question. Sure the bun is critical and all, but without the meat you’re really eating a lettuce and tomato sandwich. What better place to order a fancy-meatburger than at a steakhouse, right? This was how I talked myself into spending $21 for a hamburger, or as they call it a “prime cheeseburger.” It comes with a gigantic side of fries, a few fried onions on top, cheese of your choice and the usually burger-toppin’ veggies. As you will see from the pictures below, the burger is gigantic too. I was afraid I’d be humiliated in front of all the suits, but thank god, the bun and toppings compress down nicely and it can be eaten as a normal burger (for me at least, you millage may vary).

All kvetching aside, the hamburger was fantastic. What their secret meat-blend does is make the burger kind of mushy, but keeps the flavor up. It’s a strange first few bites where you expect it to be a bit chewy, and then it just gives way. (I think we can all agree there’s something singularly revolting about overcooked hamburgers that turn grey and you have to chew and chew and chew). Bite after bite, it just gives way, like it’s totally happy to be eaten. The flavor was fantastic, the bun held up wonderfully, absorbing all the juices that flowed.

It’s a fantastic hamburger, if you can tolerate the business crowd.

Fries anyone?

It’s huge.

They have all different kinds of meatballs (veggie, pork, beef, etc.) and even have rotating daily specials. I tried the spicy pork, on a hero with tomato sauce and provolone cheese for $9. I had really high expectations, after all, with this kind of focus there is no excuse for blandness. The sandwich came out and there were a few things wrong. First, the meatballs are mushy. Tasty enough, but mushy. Every tasty meatball I’ve ever made was fried in oil until crispy. Crispy meatballs are delicious, the crusties keep the texture interesting and away from meatloaf. Apparently, after much research, some people bake them which leaves them mushy. How did they manage to dedicate a whole shop to them and forget to make them crispy? Second, there is hardly any cheese on these (see below)! Why bother letting people order cheese if you’re only going to sprinkle it on? Thirdly, these pork meatballs aren’t spicy at all. Oh, come on!
(Finally, how can they devote a third of their webpage to themselves. You’re very pretty, now get back in the kitchen and give me some damn cheese.)

After a whole hero I was pretty sickly full. I managed to cram down a half an ice cream sandwich ($4), which was pretty delicious. You pick each of the cookie sides and the filling and it comes out pretty much as you’d expect. The cookies were soft and delicious and the ice cream, was, well, ice creamy.

Skip the meatballs and just get a few ice cream sandwiches.

Uninspired Meatball Performance

Meatballs on Hero

3 balls per Hero

Brownie, chocolate chip and espresso filling.

Scoops!

I’m not sure if all Five Guys’ are like this, but the one I went to was an insane assembly line operation that looked something like this: register, deep fryers, grills, salting station, burger assembly, pickup. I ordered and before I could even walk to the other end, I saw my receipt pop up at the assembly station and get prepped. Damn, that’s operational excellence.

Five Guys trumpets the fact that they use peanut oil to fry their fries, as if that makes a difference. They have specialty branded bags of potatoes by the door, all dressed up in white and red corporate. I guess all this helps alleviate the guilt people have when they indulge. Which all seems kind of silly, because the fries are pretty damn good. The burger you ask, the burger! It was good too. One of the other things with five guys is that everyone gets two patties, all the toppings you want, and a huge serving of fries. Yeah, that’s why everyone looks sheepish to mention it, you get calories for the week.

I went a little overboard on the free toppings, stopping just green peppers short of ‘everything’ (they have a cute name for it, but I forget). The cheeseburger I got was an insane monstrosity (look below!). It fell apart while I was eating it. It was also pretty tasty. Totally greasy and a little disgusting, but pretty damn tasty. The jalapenos and swiss I got on mine made it pretty spicy and meaty, just like I love.

Just like they talk up their ‘fresh’ fries, they also talk up their fresh burgers. Sure, you can see them grill the burgers right behind the assembly line, so in that sense they’re fresh. But they still look and mostly taste like regular TGIF-applebees-chillis beef patties. Maybe a smidgen better (or is that how good their marketing is?).

Sure I’d go back eventually, but next time I’d sheepishly test my meal-mates to see if they’re ready for the coma and general kind of nasty feeling you’re left with.

Average ingredients, average strategy: not bad, not great

Presented in dreamy five-guys-o-vision

Doesn’t this look cozy:

Also cozy:

Sittin’ Pretty

Yum