This piggie’s beef is incredible. Really, fantastic. We’ve covered a few roast beefs in the last few years and while they’ve been tasty, this takes the crown, no questions asked. I had the “That Way” ($8.50) which is roast beef and mozzarella cheese drizzled with gravy on an Italian hero. It’s an incredible amount of beef and it goes down like soup. The beef is so soft and delicious. The worst of roast beef is when they’re stringy, dry and salty. This work of art makes none of these mistakes: the beef is without any stringy fat to catch your bites (it seems shredded), incredibly moist from all the gravy and perfectly seasoned. It’s an incredible punch of savory flavors that you get to taste over and over (Did I mention it’s huge?).

Trust the Piggie, go get some beefy genius.

The menu is simple enough

I was excited and my fingers were shaking. Look how big it is!

Mozzarella

Do you like gravy?

I have no idea what the name means. Maybe you’re supposed to stand up when you eat? Why bother with the seats then? Was “Sit” taken? Maybe it’s their screenname and Stand1 through Stand3 were already taken? It feels like they knew they were opening a boring burger joint and tried to spruce it up with a super-modern name.

Cynicism aside their menu is obviously loaded with protein: lots of beef patties, cheese, bacon and eggs piled onto buns ranging from $5 to $15. I was starving (hungover) and went all the way by ordering the big kahuna: “Bold Burger”: Brioche, two 7 oz. beef patties, applewood smoked bacon, sauteed onions, American and cheddar cheese, pickle, tomato, chipotle sauce, fried egg for $15.

The server said they only serve it well-done because otherwise it falls apart, gross. It’s so big you can’t get your mouth around it and, come on, you can’t eat a big ass burger like that by taking little pansy bites off the bottom! Regretfully, I put it down and used a knife and fork, truly a sad fate for a hamburger. The bun was pleasantly soft but the beef was grossly over-cooked. The cheese and bacon were tasteless and added a little texture to mix up the chewy ground beef. I realized as I was stuffing bite after bite of over-cooked beef patty and cheese into my face that it’s never a good idea to see ground meat. Sausages and hamburgers should always be shrouded in bun, without it they just look gross all mealy and grey! Aside from the obvious food-coma, the burger was pretty bland.

My friend got the more traditional “Bacon & Egg Cheeseburger”: Beef, crispy applewood smoked bacon, cheddar, hard-boiled egg mayo for $12. He says that the best part about it was that the fillings didn’t fall off the bun. It doesn’t get much more boring than that, not even a word about the taste. Not good Stand4, not good.

I wouldn’t go back except maybe to actually stand up and have a beer.

Poor execution really kills them here:

I know I asked for it, but look at that:

It’s absurd:

How petite by comparison:

I tried the Vietnamese BBQ Beef ($9), apparently their most popular item. It was incredibly savory from the basil-mayo and shredded beef with a bit of pickled-carrots to add texture and spice. It is delicious, all the marketing buzz was right! Bite after bite of delicious buttery beef and mayo. God I love mayo. Like most sandwiches, it wasn’t perfect, there was a lot of filling creep and the sesame bun could’ve done a better job holding it all together, but those aren’t deal-breakers.

Ignore the buzz – eat the sandwiches!

Complex and well delivered:

They all come in these clear plastic trays:

The carrots were a bit haphazard but wonderfully bright:

Visitor, say hello to mayo and beef:

Where were we? Oh right, at Shorty’s! I tried their “Shorty’s Classic” ($10 for a whole, $7 for a Shorty): grilled tomatoes, Italian seasoning, oregano, provolone and steak. The bread was fresh and fantastic: a little mushy and a little crusty to keep all that grease contained. The sandwich was cheesy and very salty from the Italian seasoning. Unfortunately among all that seasoning the actual steak wasn’t too flavorful and the provolone was hard to taste. I had fun eating it and would return if I had a craving near by, but it’s not worth much of a journey. Maybe their regular steak has more of that greasy punch that just takes me away? I’m going to test drive the regular wiz wit’ later this week and see how it measures up to the big boys.

Update, 9.27.09: I went back and had the sandwich I should’ve gotten the first time: the regular cheesesteak with wiz and mushrooms ($10). It was a whole different experience. Where the “Shorty’s Classic” was too salty and not cheesy enough, the regular cheese steak was fantastic: gooey, steaky, cheesy with just a hint of onions and mushrooms. It was nearly perfect. This is what I was expecting an uptown competitor to Wogies! It’s a little sad to see a place that serves such a good steak sandwich dumb it down by going ‘upmarket’ and taking all the flavor out. When you come to Shorty’s, do me a favor, don’t read the menu. Stick with what you know: wiz ‘wit is all you need to try.

In this case, the lower strategy is better, KISS I suppose:

The classic freshly unwrapped:

Melty classic:

- fluffy fresh bread roll, sliced in half
- spiced and grilled beef, cut into small chunks
- white plate, tiny salad and dribbles of condiments completely unnecessary

As you can probably guess, the sandwich was a little dry. The meat was a bit chewy and tough, but still moist. The bread wasn’t terribly dry, but without something else in the sandwich, it needed gulps of water in between bites. No matter, I was happy enough to have a sandwich that I scarfed it down.