First up is the ubiquitous sandwich chain Blimpie. You know them, they’re on every street corner with bright green and yellow signs that make you wonder “Is that where fat people are? Isn’t it mean to name a restaurant after fat people, especially in THIS city?” I ordered the Blimpie Best, which ran me $4.65, which is incredibly cheap. Really, considering it claims to include: “Slow-cured ham, salami, cappacola, prosciuttini, provolone with tomatoes, lettuce, onion, vinegar, oil and oregano.” That makes it sound rather grand and sprawling! Unfortunately sprawling it is not, it’s really just a little pile of thinly sliced meats with the regular topping of cheese, shredded lettuce, tomatoes and onions on top. Blah, how drab. I know recessions are bad, but do they have to be this dull?

The price is right, the taste is … bland. Very, very bland. In fact, the only thing I could taste through the thick bread is cold and mustard. All those fancy meats melt together into a flavor of cold. No real flavor, just cold. In addition to mustard and cold flavors, I got a few crunches from the lettuce. To be honest, I was a little surprised that the Blimpie Best wasn’t worse. I didn’t get sick or feel gross afterward and went right on humming (“Ding, fries are done! Ding, fries are done!“). This sandwich is purely subsistence food, there is no love for sandwiches or flavor or anything eaters want other than getting calories. Then again it’s just under 5 bucks. Are there better sandwiches out there for $5? Most certainly!

Blimpie Best is not good, but it’s got a decently many ingredients:

Not quite the unpacking experience of an iPhone:

Just like in the adverts!

See how stiff the bread is: