Patrolling the Border lets you mix whatever slippery fillings you want and always get them before they fall! It takes a bit of practice and speed, but it’s got a good learning curve. Let’s review what happens to our fillings when we dine on ‘wichs:

It’s depressing even to think about. Look at all those fillings just getting away, running for the plate. I’m tearing up, I can’t take it, let’s move on.

It’s the horizontal part of our bite force that pushes the fillings out! This will happen as long as our teeth aren’t perfectly straight and we can’t break the sandwich perfectly. Maybe we should sharpen our teeth so we can bite only vertically? Put your files away there’s an easier solution…

Instead of fighting the slide as the CounterForce Technique dictates, this solution gives into the slide only to catch them on the other end. You bite around the sandwich, catching and reversing the flow of fillings, slowly building a star out of your sandwich. Lots of us do this without thinking about it, when pure animal instinct kicks in, “Hey gravity, I see you taking my fillings! Give them back you greedy bastard! KAPOW! Take THAT!” This technique practically guarantees that you won’t miss any fillings. The challenge is that as you bite around the ‘wich, the fillings become more exposed and your hand-holds less abundant. It also makes you look a little silly (to people who don’t value sandwiches enough) while you tilt your head to catch the runaways. Have no shame about patrolling the border, it’s a perfectly acceptable way to maximize your sandwich — the real shame is having to clean up your plate afterward!

Anyone patrol on a regular basis? How does it treat you and your sandwiches?

*(To keep avocado in your sandwich, cut it up into small chunks with lots of edges or make guacamole and spread it thinly. Avoid slices at all costs!)

Look at this horrible slide into failure. The sandwich starts out perfect and with each bite ejects the filling out the back. Argh, it hurts even to think about!

The filling slides out because the bread (or wrapping) bends and at the bend, pushes the filling outward in both directions: into your mouth where it belongs and toward the plate, where it don’t. This is often noticed when people hold the sandwich only on the edges, making a little pocket of filling just going full throttle on the runway to the plate.

There is a solution! Don’t despair, CounterForce will save you (and your sandwiches)! The answer lies in a revolutionary new technique called CounterForce: using your fingers to counter the motion of the filling by pressing down just in front of the impact zone. This keeps the filling in place and prevents the loss of delicious sandwich parts. The only twist is that this requires enough friction between the bread and filling, and within the filling if there are multiple layers. Spreads, slippery lunch meats and leaves are all prime culprits for defeating the counterforce technique.

The lesson to be learned from these poorly constructed sandwiches is that the layering order of fillings is extremely important, and if overlooked can completely ruin the sandwich experience. Some things to keep in mind when layering and eating your sandwiches:

• Select ingredients carefully! Sure a sandwich with avocado, butter and yogurt sounds good, but it’s sure to shoot the avocado’s out the back with the lack of friction. Throw some sprouts around the avocado and you’ve got a perfectly edible sandwich, with a little crunchy texture to write home about!
• Leaves: Keep the lumpy main vein in peices of lettuce, it provides great friction to a major culprit of filling slip
• Spreads: If you must apply mountains of slippery spreads (mayo, I’m talkin’ to you!), put something with lots of grip (bacon, you delicious morsel) touching it to counter the sliding.
• Don’t be shy about CounterForcing: CounterForce in a line across the sandwich to really stop the fillings.
• Don’t CounterForce only on the sides: the fillings are likely to be missed entirely and make a big torpedo waiting to be launched. Instead, counterforce in the middle of the sandwich, directly on top of the fillings.
• Use the whole surface area of your thumbs: you will get a much better grip on the bottom of the sandwich and no one will notice.
• Toasting/Pannini-ing: Toasting the sandwich often lets the ingredients get to know eachother and meld. A prime example are paninis, they almost never leak!